Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
