Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize