Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
