Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
