She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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