Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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