I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
