she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
