Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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