So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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