fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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