She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
