should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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