so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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