So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
