Duck Duck Cougar?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
