Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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