I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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