he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
