On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
