dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
