You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
