I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
