i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
