Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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