We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
