I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
