Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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