Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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