Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I intend to get homeless drunk
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
