Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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