In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
