You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
