Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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