I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
