Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
