man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
