She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
