I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
oh god was she eating orange peels again
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
