I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
