Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
40s are totally the cure
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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