as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
