So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
