Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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