listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
