can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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