dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
