I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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