:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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