Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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