I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
