Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
