Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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