Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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