please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
