i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize