what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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