I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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