a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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