you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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