You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize