I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
