The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
there is glitter all over my balls
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