Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
