So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
