They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
