Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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