What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize