i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize