please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
