I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize