you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
