Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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