I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
