DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
