It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I know her cup size but not her name....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
