I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
