I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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