come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
