you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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