I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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