..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
