peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
