Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
