I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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