dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
