he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
