meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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