Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
