You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my sisters under your porch take her home
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
