We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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