just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
