New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
