turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
